Why moms get jealous when dads bond with kids
Now first let me say that no... Richard was not saying I'm jealous of his relationship with the boys.
When I first became a mom, I felt that I had to be involved in every step and thing in Blake's life. I felt that I was the mom, and I knew best. I quickly realized that Richard was fantastic with Blake and letting him take over some of the parenting made me a better parent. I had to realize that my way may work for me, but it may not work for Richard. As it mentions in the article "Trouble is, 'the more we control how dads do things, the less involved they want to be,'"and " 'I had to let go and let them have their own relationship -- he's a competent man!'"
In stepping back and letting Richard parent the boys in his own way, I realized that this provided the boys balance and allowed the boys to create different relationships with each of us, and in different ways. Richard and I have some set things that we do similarly... we have agreed on schedules, discipline techniques and some "wordage" we use with the boys. But, other than that Richard does things very differently from me, and that is fine!
I as a mother had to realize that Father can also know best. I am in no terms jealous of my sons' relationships with their father or his relationship with them. I realize that Richard is a lot more playful with the boys and enjoys the wild times. I also can be playful, but in different ways. But, I get to spend more time with the boys, being a stay-at-home mom, and I want the boys to have fun with Richard in the short time they have together each day. I want the boys to have a balanced life and their varied relationships with Richard and I will support this.
If I can suggest one thing to parents, parent your child in the way that is comfortable for you. Find a balance between the two parenting styles for the major "issues" whatever they are for your family. And everything else is just letting each parent be themselves with the children. Step back and watch your spouse and see what you can learn by watching the interactions between your children and your spouse. What can you learn about your own parenting from watching them interact?
Read the article and let me know what you think... are you jealous? controlling? laid back? Anything you want to change about your interactions?
Hug your spouse tonight and your kiddos and encourage these bonds!
Since I am a SAHM & Rick works very long hours everyday...the time he has with the children is very special & usually consists of alot of play, so in that sense I am sometimes jealous because I am always with them so I am doing most of the discipline & not as much playing. But I do love to see them interact with him. It is just wonderful!
ReplyDeletevery interesting article!!! I think it's a great thing for children to have equal bonds with their parents - it's normal and healthy!!
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ReplyDeleteNope, no jealousy here! I love it when my husband spends quality time with the kids!
ReplyDeleteI do find it is difficult at times since I am the one that spends the majority of the time with our kids. I feel as though I have to be the disciplinarian most of the time and at times when hubby gets home he will try and rediscipline for something done earlier in the day. That aggravates me but we get through it. I am controlling and it is something I have to work on constantly. I want things done a certain way and often times I find it easier to just do it myself. That's difficult also. Very interesting article..thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteMy hubby is great too although I think he doubts himself sometimes. He will often look at me before telling Lyndsy what she can or can't do. He doesn't need me to tell him but for some reason he just does it.
ReplyDeleteI had to learn to step back when Jada was little. She was born 9 weeks early and was 2 1/2 lbs. She was in the hospital for 7 weeks. So, I really struggled with letting my husband do anything and it really did make a difference in their bonding when she was little. I finally learned to step back and just let him be daddy and he a great one at that!! AFter I took that step back they bonded very quickly and I am so very thankful for that! Great post!
ReplyDeleteit is hard to step back and "allow" for lack of a better word, daddy to do it his way... but you and the article are right.
ReplyDeleteDaddy is skilled in so many ways that we, as moms, might not be...but when it comes down to those last few moments before Addie hits dreamland... it's mommy who makes sure she has her ticket, packed her bags and has everything for the flight!
No jealousy here, even though, I think our kids definitely bond in different ways with each of us. When we first had children, he was a little slow in taking on the disciplinarian role; but we are both on the same page (most of the time) - and he realizes that discipline, love and play have to come from both parents. Thanks for sharing the article.
ReplyDeleteI am so NOT jealous! In the beginning I trusted Pete more than myself- he seemed so natural and I was so scared! Sometimes I hear him getting E to worked up during her bed time routine but I hold my tongue- it is his thing and I have to let him do it his way.
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