What gives you the right?

One thing that really bugs me as a mother is the nerve people have! What gives people the right to question your child's abilities, personality, or any other aspect of your child and his/her development?

People often stop me when I'm out and about with the boys. Typically they ask how old they are and then I usually hear... wow you've got your hands full. Another thing I often hear are... oh they are just too cute (or something on that aspect). Yes, they are cute, but there is so much more to them than being cute.

The things that really bug me are when they ask Blake how old he is and I usually answer for him. He will occasionally say hi or something else to them, but they aren't going to understand 90% of what he says anyway. But, what gives them the right to say in front of me... doesn't he talk yet? Or people will say... he'll talk soon. Or, I bet only mommy understands you. First of all... none of these things need to be said in front of Blake. He does talk, but is very hard to understand. It has nothing to do with intellect, it has to do with developmental level of speech and speech only. He can understand anything you say to him! Blake doesn't talk to many people besides Richard and I... and my feeling is he knows they won't even try to understand him so why should he try. Blake is a smart cookie and very aware of others and their feelings. I don't want him to pick up on the fact that people expect him to talk in a way that should be understood by a stranger and know that he can't just yet.

I hate that people who know us casually and those people we've never met before have the audacity to say something so bold in front of him. I never know what to say in response. I often say he only talks when he wants to, or with people he knows. Sometimes I just ignore the fact that they said anything and go on.

At home, we praise Blake for using his words and encourage him to use them whenever we get the chance. I know he knows what he wants to say, but gets frustrated when we don't understand him. I know he thinks its easier to show us than tell us. I also know it will get better. I know he has the ability to comprehend what he's trying to express... now we just have to work on saying it clearly.

I just wish people would think before they speak!
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21 comments:

  1. I hate this too.E's only 14 months but I get the same thing when we're out.It drives me crazy...he's only a baby and even if he wasn't I certainly didn't ask for your opinion.Good for you for brushing it off and encouraging Blake.

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  2. Yup yup! I totally agree with you! I actually had someone say something to me as I had just walked into Walmart with Leala and I had stopped to put the cart cover on the cart. They said, "Oh she's so cute, but shouldn't she be walking to the front of the store, until you can get a cart.. but even then shouldn't she just be walking in the store?" Are you kidding me? She wasn't even a year old at this point, and no she couldn't walk without holding my hands at that point, but even now that she can walk, there is NO way I would let her walk up to the store front from the parking lot.. NO way! When Kevin is with me and we don't have a cart, then yes, we let her walk between us inside the store, but I thought she was crazy for saying that.. People just don't have manners.

    Ignore them. They are not worth our time at all..

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  3. I agree!! I had a note in Avery's bag yesterday from daycare that said he was basically horrible all day - UM he is TWO! It angered me. Then there was another note that told me to send diapers and not pull- ups (which was the ONLY thing I had at the time to send) because he was not ready for pull ups yet. Again UM - If I want him to wear pull ups then by God he will!!! I get so frustrated at things like this too....mama bear coming out!!! :)

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  4. I get told that I have my hands full and wow those are some active kids. Yeah thanks genius...tell me something I don't know. I happen to enjoy my 3 ring circus. I so agree. They need to just keep their mouths quiet.

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  5. I am sorry that you -and all os us moms -have to deal with this. You are right- people have NO right. Why can't they just smile and say hi? I had short hair when i was little and people always called me little boy or son. Even though i was young it still hurt. People need to be sensitive to Blake's feelings. Children are very preceptive. Make him a shirt that saus, "I talk- just not to busybodies."

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  6. What a blessing to keep your mouth shut...right? My son was born premature and only weighed 5 pounds...he looks very sick and people would ask me if he had cancer...ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? I WOULD NEVER ASK SOMEONE THAT!!!!! So, absurd. I agree with you. And the next time someone says doesn't he talk yet? I would say...Yes, he speaks but only to people of high intelligence!!! =)

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  7. I hear you! It saddens me when people talk to Jillian and she doesn't respond. Her speech has
    come such a long way in three short months since getting her ear tubes, but she is still behind other kids her age. People need to just realize every kid develops at their own speed, and sometimes there are things they don't know about.

    Sorry for the mini rant:)

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  8. I know exactly what you mean...we get the same reactions with Avery. my mil still says it..i know in time we won't be able to shut them up.

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  9. AMEN...if they have nothing nice to say, then they need to shut up respectively!
    ~Elyse~

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  10. I love it. People need to think before they speak, you hit the nail on the head. My little guy is shy in public and won't say much. I get all the time, how old is he? I would never say anything unsolicited to someone, much less in front of the child. Aren't you glad you have a place to vent a little?

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  11. That really is frustrating. I feel for you! Jacob is very much the same way. Not a big talker at all. He does a little more at home but still has a difficult time expressing into full understandable sentences what he wants. There are times where I just have no idea what he wants and I know that can be frustrating for children to go through. Their verbal skills still developing. But it definitely doesn't help getting comments from others. For a while, people would ask him how old he was and he would answer with Jacob. Thinking he was being asked what's your name.

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  12. I had the same problem with my twins and their speech. No one, and I mean no one could understand them. I would be able to understand about 25% of what they said....but I was the only one.
    People never think before they speak. I would get comments all the time, especially since I have twins. I would always come back with something that would shut the people up completly..ie: "Are they twins?" (I have identical twin girls that look exactly alike, size and everything), my comeback, "No, they are sisters who were born at the same time" or "No, it was a buy one get one free sale at the hospital, so I decided to take two". Comming back with something that makes someone actually have to think just shuts people up completely that they don't know what to say to it....I love it.

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  13. I think a lot of times adults think they can just say anything in front of kids because "it's not like the kids will comprehend what I am saying anyway". They don't understand that kids have feelings too and although they may not understand the context of the converstaion, they can pick up that it's about them and the tone of the person's voice!!! I too sometimes hear, "Wow, he JUST started crawling? Mine was walking at 10 months". Well genius, Ryan is taking his time and I am glad he's not walking yet! He's not an early walker and will probably walk more "on time". I get the cute comments too, but I enjoy those. It makes me feel good that people think he's a cutie cause he's MINE and that must mean I'm good looking too! I take it as a compliment. Yes, people are annoying idiots sometimes and don't think before they speak. If they only knew (those w/o kids) how hard parenting really is! All children are different!

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  14. I agree! Tate is the same way...he talks to us quite a lot but when we're out he's very quiet and we've got lots of comments like this - even from my own mother-in-law!!! And yes, he can understand everything people say too....

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  15. I have the same issue as Andrea. My little girl talks up a storm at home but when we go somewhere she gets very shy. I wish I had some comment for you to give them. Its a nice reminder to people who might read your blog who may have said these types of things in the past.

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  16. Onetime at a party, there was another couple there with a child Riley's age. Riley was being his usual willful self- throwing tantrums when he didn't get his way. The woman looked at me and said- what is wrong with your 21 month old (as her 21 month old sat there playing nicely). I wanted to smack her- but instead just did a half smile and yelled at hubby for making me go to a party when it is so much easier to stay home with Riley.

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  17. I fear I'll be in the same boat as you. Grady's not talking nearly as much as Taylor was at this age but I think his past, the fact that he's a boy, he's the second child, and he had so much fluid in his ears until last week is really what is causing him to be behind on speech. He's very smart and understands almost all of what we tell him to do/ask him but he just has trouble speaking. He uses some signs and a couple words but it's frustrating.
    I'm sorry people feel the need to say anything like that. People are just plain stupid sometimes.

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  18. I am so sorry Lori! I had that same situation with Sonia when she was 1 year old and still NO TEETH! People would ask me not yet you must be agravated!! It annoyed me to no END!!!

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  19. Some people forget to put on their filters before venturing out into the world in the morning. It is very frustrating! :o( Have a good weekend!

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  20. oh totally agree with you. People think that every child is a carbon copy and they should be doing things right when they reach a certain age and it never happens that way!!!!! Good for you for standing up for him! He's incredibly blessed to have you in his corner

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  21. people need to mind their own buisness.... you are right - what gives them the right!? it really has nothing to do with them now does it!! sheesh

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