hard not to compare

Yesterday I took the boys to the playground. While I was there a father came with his daughter and young son. He let his daughter, who appeared to be about 4, go over and play on the big playground and brought his son over to the small playground.

I had the boys on the small playground, as Blake can play on the equipment there independently. The father asked me how old Blake was and I inquired about his son. His son was 16 months. The father then proceeded to tell me he was concerned because his son was not talking much and his daughter could talk at the same age. I told him the boys are a lot different than girls. I also told him that at 2 Blake still had a limited vocabulary. This seemed to help the father, which sort of surprised me. Yes, if he knew I was an educator it would make more sense that what I said was reassuring, but just taking the word of a stranger baffles me.

Anyway... this scenario got me thinking about my own two boys. As much as I understand that each child progresses on his/her own time frame, it is still hard to not look and see what Blake was doing at this same age. It is hard to not look at Colby and think... hmmm seems like Blake was "older" at this age to me. I know that Blake did a lot of his physical developmental milestones early, but that doesn't stop me from wondering why Colby isn't meeting them at the same time frame.

Colby just turned 7 months on Sunday. He can sit rather confidently, is trying to scoot, loves to rotate in circles, rolls stomach to back and back again, can pick up toys and switch them from one hand to the other. He is beginning to hold his bottle on his own, walk when held up by an adult, stand with the support of furniture for longer periods of time, and sit unsupported on his ride-on toys. He loves to babble and says "mama" "dada" and many other babbling sounds. He loves to laugh and smile and blow raspberries.

The challenge is at this same age Blake could go from laying to sitting on his own, began to crawl, had teeth already, had learned to pull himself up to stand, could pick up small foods and put them in his mouth.

I am not concerned about Colby, don't get me wrong... I watch him learn more and more everyday... what I am concerned is that my little guy is missing out on something that I am not giving him. Was I able to do more for Blake because there was just Blake. Did he progress faster because he had more one-on-one time? Is there something that I should be doing with Colby that I'm not? Even looking at things as simple as sleeping the boys are so different. I knew when I was pregnant with Colby that he was going to be different from Blake... I just hope that I'm not doing something to interfer with Colby's progress and it is just the differences in their personalities and dispositions that is creating the differences in developmental progress.
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14 comments:

  1. Now your being a teacher turned mommy for sure! hee hee. I am sure it is part nature and part nurture. I always wonder what my second will be like- when that day comes. I am so used to Eliza- she has become my norm.

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  2. I am still amazed by the differences from one child to another. Jacob was very ahead on everything I though "but as his mom im a lil bias lol' but his vocabulary as well. I was at the supermarket and this lil girl was talking sooo clear and she was half the size of Jacob. I didn't know someone that lil could be so takative because Jacob isn't a big talker. On the other hand in terms of development physically, socially and even educationally I find he keeps up with most 5 yr old kindergardeners, but hes three and half their size hehe

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  3. Colby and Blake are different and they will developmentally grow at different rates...hang in there are love on them...Is this what my future will look like? Just kidding!!!
    ~Elyse~

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  4. It's true each kids have their own pace but trying not to compare is not an easy task!

    I sometimes have other parents comparing our children to their and I try to explain to them that each is different like we all are gifted in some things we as adult are different so are children. they will grow fast enough so enjoy each stages of development knowing that it will soon be over

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  5. They are both perfect. Colby will learn at his own pace. My 2nd one took her time at some things & then beat her sister at other things. Potty training for instance came easier for Model. Talking was later, she learned differently. Actress started putting sentences together 1 and 2 words at a young age and adding as she got older. Model waited until she could talk in full blown 6-8word sentence before she let us know she had anything to say other than 1 word. Was I worried? a little, but they are both straight A students in 2 and 3 grade now. It all works out. You are doing a great job as Mommy to both of your boys.
    Sorry for the long comment. This is your blog not mine. LOL
    Hope this helps...a little:)

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  6. Just give him time! He sounds to me like he is doing great! My third child (a boy) did not make ANY sound (except cry) until he was about 10 months old. No babbling or cooing or anything. He didn't talk until after 2 and then we need a translater to help us understand him (joking)! I was a bundle of nerves over this, but when my middle child started school, he was like a new child, and hasn't shut up since!
    Enjoy him - he will be doing new things everyday!

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  7. its hard not to compare children...i try my hardest not to b/c i hate when people compare mine to theirs!

    i don't think its anything you aren't doing...he is just taking his sweet old time!

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  8. Yeah, I know what you mean by it being hard not to compare...but I also know that you're doing a great job and it is probably nothing that YOU are doing that is causing Colby to progress a bit slower. In fact, Tate was waaaaay slower than Emily is and I had much more time to spend helping and encouraging him along...so I think it's just like you said - every kid is different. :)

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  9. wow... Colby is going to be 7 months..... my how time flies!!

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  10. Oh do I know how you feel! I'm convinced (though everyone tells me it isn't true), that it is my fault Riley doesn't talk much and is behind in his language development. I feel like when he was little I didn't talk to him enough because I was talking to Ashlyn or dealing with her. Now I feel like Ashlyn suffers because she is the compliant one and Riley is the strong willed, challenge child. I spend so much time dealing with his hitting, biting, etc. I actually could cry right now thinking about how much I must be messing up my kids because I can't figure out how to balance having two of them.

    I have no idea how moms of 3 (or more) do it!

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  11. Kids really are different and it sounds like Blake did a lot of things very early. My guess, he just did it early. The list you made of Colby sounds like he's right on track.

    It's funny, Lyndsy was on time too but Jillian is doing everything sooner. So we are opposite.

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  12. I've been doing the same thing with my girls. Madison also did everything really early and I feel like Stella is not doing nearly as much. I started putting the giult trip about not enough one on one time on myself and having been trying desperately to realize that they are two different but equally healthy children. Stella can just about sit up at 5 1/2 months and has rolled over a few times but nothing consistant. If you come up with an answer about how to stop compaing please share! It is soo hard not to!

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  13. Lori! You know that you are NOT doing anything wrong. I know you and you are most likely doing all the same things with Colby that you did with Blake but as you know ALL kids develop at different times in their lives. I have been having those same feelings about Nicholas and Sonia. But Sonia was a preemie so Nicholas is bigger and VERY different than Sonia!!! You are doing a great job!!!

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  14. My sister talked very late cuz I talked for her! LOL! Every child is so different and they all learn at their own pace. xo

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