one of those days

This weekend we had family up to celebrate Colby's Baptism. This always throws Blake for a loop. When it is just the four of us here he knows the exceptions and how each person will react given a certain situation. We have a flexible yet structured routine to the day and life goes on. Blake thrives on this and seems to need the boundaries especially now that he's 2 and tries to find his own way to do things.

I have never been... and never will be a helicopter parent... you know the kind that hovers over the children and tries to prevent every accident by not letting the child live. I let my boys make mistakes. I let them fall and teach them it's ok... get up, brush yourself off and go on. I want them to develop a strong understanding of independence.

I also encourage them to play together with and without my intervention. Now, this is hard at this stage since Colby is well 7 month old and not moblie, but they do play together. Blake loves to share with Colby and often wants Colby to do the same thing that he is doing. Blake has developed an understanding that he has to share his toys and the attention with his brother... and for the most part has no issue with it.

When we have company over... Blake often gets a LOT more attention, some would say undivided attention. There are some who also hover over him and fuss at him more than we typically do. Then when the company leaves, things are tough because getting back into the swing of normal is hard.

Blake has to share my attention with Colby after having extra people doating over him for a few days. Blake has to hear "no", "stop", "please don't do that", "make good choices" and all those other things that seem to go out the window when others are in the house. Blake has to go back to sharing his toys and space with his brother.

This my friends is very hard on a 2 year old! Today has been one of those days where I've battled with Blake over these issues... well it started on Sunday actually. On Sunday, both Richard and I put Blake into time-out multiple times over not listening to directions. Yesterday, I had to threaten time-out more than once and we had many talks about being a good brother and sharing.

Today he lost it... BIG TIME. The funny thing is he lost it during his mommy alone time (each boy has some mommy alone time everyday). Today Blake wanted to watch tv or use the computer all morning. Yeah ... NO! I gave him options of the play room, the living room or out on the porch... nope he wanted none of this. Then he wanted his pacifer... nope not until nap time. So he melted down. I ended up putting him in his room so I could have a break and pull myself together. Now he is fighting taking a nap... yeah no way buddy.

I can only hope that tomorrow is a better day!

Anyone else want to have a meltdown right now?

wow that wasn't fun! Blake, Abby and I were having a great morning. Blake slept until 8:10, then when he got up he wanted to read a bit before getting dressed. We then had breakfast and went for our walk. After that we played on the computer (a big treat for him). Things are great... things are fine. Ok lets make ice cream. So I get everything ready and put him up on the counter to help me... he had a blast! Then things went downhill from there! Abby saw a cat in the backyard... ok now she is flipping out so I go let her outside. And Blake went and started playing. Super, ok timer is set for the ice cream to finish... Blake is playing and Abby's outside Beep, beep, bark, bark, scream, beep, beep ok who first? I look at Blake and he is trying to get Abby's treats off the counter... simple out of site out of mind... yeah not with Blake! I look at Abby she has wrapped her whole run around the tree... beep beep beep... I look at the ice cream... yeah it has to be dished up now and frozen. Ok... I decide to ignore Blake (he is fine he just wants dog treats), I go unwrap Abby from the tree (in fear she will pop herself from her collar... that wouldn't be good) But, of course she won't come in. I go and turn off the timer and start dishing the ice cream... here Blake up on the counter to help mommy... yeah that was fine until I was about 1/3 done and he wanted to climb over the counter. Ok off you go! ice cream is dished... here do you want the bowl... nope He's back trying to open the drawer that I put the dog treats in. Oh guess what... Abby's tangled around the tree again! grrrrr! I finally dragged her in... tried to get him to stop crying... nope I don't want to calm down. fine I'm going to wash dishes! I think it took him 15 min to totally calm down..... all over dog treats!

ahhh the terrible twos (ok almost 2's)

As a kindergarten teacher tantrums was something I nipped in the bud right at the beginning of the year. I learned quickly that if you controlled the circumstances under which a 5 year old is allowed to throw the tantrum that in itself was enough to eliminate the tantrums. I would always tell the child... this doesn't work with me, but if you must throw a tantrum you will throw it over there and you have 5 minutes to pull yourself together. They also quickly learned that the tantrum did not get them their way. They didn't get to do, have, or have whatever they were tantruming over even after they were done. I would say with 90% of the tantrumers they realized that this isn't worth it to even try here. I had parents who had issues with these tactics at first, but then began to notice... hey if they don't tantrum at school why am I letting them do it at home?

Blake is a VERY strong willed independent child and has been since day one. Anyone who knows Richard or I in person would so not be shocked that we have a strong willed independent child! When Blake sets his mind to doing something there is little to stop him (more on this later today... I have pics and a story to share on this topic).

Blake is typically a good eater, but when he is done... he is DONE! For the most part he will either push his plate away or raise his hands up to say "all done". Not last night! He wasn't too crazy about dinner, or not hungry, or who knows what! He began to throw his food on the floor. I then took away his plate and just gave him a few bites of each kind of food (since he hadn't eaten much of anything and wouldn't tell me he was done). After he then threw this on the floor, I finally said... ok you're done and put him down. He then decided that Richard and I should be done too. This is something we work on often.... he is usually pretty good about going and playing or hanging out in the kitchen area, but letting us eat. He so did not want to let Richard finish his dinner tonight.

After being reminded that he needed to let Mommy and Daddy eat, he decided to take my cookbooks out of the closet they are in, and run away with them. This means we have to stop eating and get the books back. Both Richard and I had to speak to him about this behavior. At this point he was NOT a happy camper. He decided to stand next to my chair and scream... me being the good parent/ teacher just ignored this behavior and went on eating.

The thing I'm beginning to realize about a toddler (or at least with Blake) is once he gets himself all worked up, he can't calm himself down. The challenge is finding that fine line between I'm throwing a tantrum (ignore my choices) and I need help pulling it together (help me calm down). This is something I as a mother (and Richard as a father) will have to become cognizant of in order to help Blake move on when he's upset. Luckily for me... most of Blake's tantrums are microbursts and for the most part are over before they begin.

Time to use those ignoring skills

One thing I learned as a kindergarten teacher is the best way to eliminate annoying behaviors is to ignore the child while he/she is doing the behavior you don't like. Let me start off by saying.... yes I know that this does NOT work with all children and all behaviors. And, no I never ignore things that are dangerous or destructive. That being said... 9 out of 10 times when a child is acting up they are trying very hard to get attention, all be it negative attention, but still attention.

Well, I'm not sure if the terrible twos are kicking in early, if Blake is just testing the limits, or testing my patience, buttttt yesterday I got to play ignore Blake. With Blake it is typically little things like, I want to go into the living room and he doesn't so he pitches a fit. So what does Mommy do? Picks him up, puts him in the living room and lets him continue the fit there as Mommy walks away. To some this may sound mean, but trust me.... it works! Even at this age his tantrums are very short when I walk away.

All I can say is I hope he gets this done and over with before baby #2 comes or it could get interesting!

Anyone else use ignoring as a major deterrent to tantrums??