Parenting books

I don't think I've ever recommended a parenting book before and that is for a good reason, I don't typically read them. I read a few when pregnant with Blake and realized that I either agreed or disagreed with them, so what was the point. If I agreed, than that meant I was already doing it. If I disagreed, it meant I'd never do it.

I was recently shopping at BJ's, a store I never leave with just what is on my list, and was looking through the book section. I came across the book "Have a New Kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman. For the most part, both my boys are good kids. They are certainly not SuperNanny material. But, they are far from perfect. We had been having some attitude and behavior issues with both boys. I'd tapped all my teacher instincts and decided it was time to do something different. While floundering I noticed the book and picked it up on a whim.

Richard and I agreed to try it out. We also agreed to both read it together. Each day there is a different parenting thing to do with your child. One of the biggest premises of this book is in order to get them to change, you have to change yourself. It is about building relationships, setting boundaries, being consistent, building their self-worth instead of self-esteem and maintaining the premise that "B doesn't happen until A is complete".

I think the thing that helped us the most was one of the first things you learn. "Say it once, turn your back and walk away." It's not always easy, but the more we stick with it the better things are getting. My boys are better behaved, I'm happier and we are getting along better. What more could you ask for?

I strongly recommend Have a New Kid by Friday to anyone who feels they need a bit of parenting support. The whole back of the book is an A-Z list of things that parents stress over deal with on a day-to-day basis.

I am not being paid for this review, I have not even been contacted by them, it's just my thoughts an opinions as a teacher turned mommy.

Big changes = big results

Well I hope I don't shoot myself in the foot for posting about this, but I will anyway. Over the weekend, we decided to make a major change with the boys. We had been dealing with some behavior issues that we did not like at all. So after trying a variety of things, including time-outs, extra praise, behavior charts and a few other changes, that would work for a short term and then flop again. We decided it was time for a big change! We took away all of the boys electronics. And when I say we took them away... I mean they are gone. The computer, Leapster/Mobigo, and Wii were packed up and put away. They do not get tv or movies either.

I created a new routine for our days. I moved somethings around and added a few more structured activities each day. We talked about the fact that these are things that are earned and not taken for expectation. That they would earn time to play them again in a few weeks if the behaviors improved.

Let me tell you, it has gotten better than I expected. They also dealt with the change better than I expected. There were a few questions the first day. Every once in a while they will ask where the keyboard is or when they get to play Wii again, but other than that there isn't much asking for it. I did let Colby watch a movie on Tuesday so I could take a shower, but he is less of the issue than Blake.

I decided that in a lot of ways Blake enjoys being "plugged in" better than anything else. When he has the option he will almost always choose something technological. Now, in some ways that isn't bad as this is a very technological world we live in, but he is also 4 and needs to play and run and go. Since he can't choose that he is more interested in the sandbox again, playing with his monster trucks, playing pretend, working in his workbooks and doing art. We also get to the playground everyday to burn off that excess energy.

On Tuesday he had a much better day at school too, which made me even happier. I hated the fact that he was having so many issues at school.

What makes me even happier is the fact that the boys are playing together sooooo much better. They actually enjoy each other's company. Colby actually seemed lost on Tuesday without Blake, and before he seemed to look forward to the days when Blake went to school.

I don't want any lectures on why or why not children should be allowed to watch tv or other uses of technology. I did this to help him and to see if a bit less stimulation would help him at this time. Am I removing it forever... NO! Am I saying that you should do this at your house, nope. I'm just saying it worked for us... at this time.

When 1 min. feels like 1 hour

I have started to do time-out with Blake in the last few days. He is getting too smart for his age and is having a hard time understanding that actions have consequences, so I've decided it is time to try time-out with him.

On one hand Blake laughs when he gets in trouble. (yes this is VERY frustrating) On the other he is a very sensitive little guy who wants to be praised and please the people he loves.

This is the challenge. I have had to give him time-out now twice. The first time he was climbing the stove to open the spice drawer (what can I say my little guy loves spice in his life!). Richard and I had both spoken to him over and over that day, and in a 10 min span we'd both taken him off the stove more than once... ok enough is enough. Into time-out you go! So I picked him up and put him into one of our chairs and told him that he didn't make a good choice by climbing and now he had to sit for 1 min. Well after putting him back on the chair what felt like 20 times (ok it was more like 5, but still) he began to scream and cry because he began to realize, hey I think I don't like this! Well he finally stayed in the chair for his 1 min. Then he gave Richard and I hugs and said sorry. Later we talked about climbing and how that isn't safe. We also talked about how Mommy and Daddy love him, but were not happy with his choice.

The next few days he did really well with just a warning.

Today, I decided to let him go for a swim in his pool. As I was getting him out he bit me on the shoulder... OUCH! Time-out for you. The struggle didn't take as long, but the crying started earlier and lasted longer.

And to top it off... Colby was crying at the same time. Great! Well I got Blake changed into dry clothes, talked to him and carried him out to the living room to settle down for some tv time before his nap. I then got Colby settled down too.

But, for the whole 1/2 hour of Blake's show he was crying on and off.

As a teacher and as a mother, I know I am doing the right thing by setting these boundries. But, it kills me to hear him cry and know he is upset because he made the wrong choice.... which is the purpose of time-outs in the first place... got to love a catch 22!

Time out for the purple crayon

As a kindergarten teacher, I truly believed in the benefits of using time-out as a form of discipline. I used it to not only calm down children who needed a break, but also as a way for the children to realize the importance of paying attention. I used to tell the children in my class that if they wasted my time I got to waste their time (recess or choice). Some children you threaten to give them a 5 min time-out at recess once and you never have an issue with them again. Others, well others spend more time in time-out than out of it.

One suggestion I had for a lot of my parents who were dealing with behavioral issues at home was to put their child's favorite toy (or the toy that there is an issue with) in time-out. Toys are a privileged and you have to earn the right to play with them. When you can show me that you are in control and responsible you can have it back.

Today I had to put Blake's crayons in time-out. (I do not use time-out with him yet. I will walk away from him if he is having an issue, or I will remove him from the situation, but I do not feel that he can truly understand time-out at this stage.) Blake has been playing this new game called I'm done drawing lets run around with the crayons. Ok fine. I usually watch/monitor him and he runs around the couch a few times and then puts the crayons down and goes onto something else.

Today the something else was drawing on the sliding glass doors. We talk a lot about only drawing on paper. He even got the paper out himself today. But, when he was done he decided to try drawing on the window... ok that's not going to fly. So I took away the crayon and put it in the tin with the others and put them up out of reach. I told him they were in time-out and he could have them back later today. Then we got a cloth and cleaned the crayon off the glass (got to love washable crayons!).

He was not happy with me, and by no means do I think that is the last time his crayons will be in time-out, but at least he cleaned up his mess. Oh and he also gave me a hug to say sorry... we are working on that... when he make the wrong choice he has to give the person a hug to say sorry since he can't say the words yet. Today was the first time he did it without being prompted... baby steps!